I have been in an awful rollercoaster relationship ride with a true sociopath for over 10 years now

When we met I worked as an escort and lied about my job. Even though he knew what I was doing he constantly drilled me to the point of exhaustion until I would tell him the truth. He set me up in a hotel room, video taped me and used this to blackmail to stay with him, in hopes I would receive this tape as who knows where on the internet it could of ended up. From this point it was sheer hell! Every time I would talk with a man I was screwing him, he made me feel so bad about myself I could have no social life what so ever and further more every time we went out, which was not often I was always flirting with other men.

I put myself through three years of college and have run a web design business for three years now and I never lie

It was never anyone else’s fault but mine. I even wanted to go to counseling and he did not take it seriously. I was accused constantly of doing things I wasn’t doing and he would go at me for hours. When I would break down and be sobbing he would smile and totally ignore me. He would also put me down to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen. When my son was 2 I found out I was pregnant with my twin daughters and when I was five months pregnant a physical altercation took place and the police came. Keep in mind they came many times before this.

He was removed from the home but for some stupid reason I still had feelings for him. I made plans at this time to move to a different city and when I was packing my stuff up I found a body bag tucked away in a kitchen cupboard. When he was confronted with things he would always lie, lie and lie. One time I remember he put me through the psychological ringer and I picked up a half cup of cold coffee and threw it at him. I was at this point an emotional mess. Out of nowhere he head butted me right in the face busting up my nose and blood was everywhere. When I finally got away from him and moved he would come back and forth to see the new twin girls.

The abuse minimized for a short time then when it picked up boy did it pick up steam. He was worse than ever. I was always sleeping around, and lying when I wasn’t. He came across like he was better than me through the whole thing and one time made a comment when I was becoming a Christian that he was GOD. He now works as a paralegal and believes he is the best thing going in the court room when he truly is not. He received no education for his practice but calls himself a lawyer. He can never keep a friend for too long unless small loans Colorado it is someone he has managed to manipulate and con. He shows no emotion and no remorse and never takes responsibility for any of his actions even to this day, but has become addicted to crack cocaine and now if I thought it was bad then it is even worse.

At the time I was completely oblivious to what was going on as I am a very genuine person and somewhat naive

He gets people to watch my home, even under a restraining order, accusing me of the most outrageous things you wouldn’t even imagine. When he speaks I have always thought – oh my God, it is some serious delusion and I cannot understand it. Now I am researching this and trying to understand the mind of a mad man. It is so hard to keep it together emotionally because of everything I have gone through and to share ALL the details would be too much and would be the stuff of a very long novel. I now need to go to counseling to try to fix my emotional state of mind as it is crushed and every day with my three children is a challenge.